I have fought against and battled my mom for years. She wants to be close to me but makes me physically ill. When she is near to me my life becomes drastically imbalanced and I become overwhelmed with anxiety, stress, etc. She is constantly giving me bags and bags of stuff and offloading her stress onto me.
I have told her for years that I need some space but she will not respect it. As long as she can see me she wouldn't care if it killed me.
We agreed to have a month's space because things always go so badly every time I see them, but she has carried on texting me, and just will not leave me alone.
When I see her it makes me physically ill for days afterwards.
I want and need some space away from her but she will never leave me alone.
How can I cope with her?My mom makes me ill and will not leave me alone?
First give her this much - she is your mother. She brought you into this world and she means well. Somewhere in all this she loves you to the best of her ability.
Second - she is toxic - for you anyway and you are right - you need space and time to overcome the problems she has helped create in you - and she isn't getting it.
Third - a question. How far away from her do you live? I would suggest moving as far away as possible and making it as difficult as possible for her to contact you. Do what you must to establish your own life on your own terms. This is very important for overcoming those things.
Also - find ways to relieve and manage your own stress. While she is dumping hers on you - you are still responsible for your own and she has not given you any tools for dealing with that. Yoga and meditation work well for me. My mom makes me ill and will not leave me alone?
I don't know your intire situation, but one of these days, you won't be bothered with her anymore. When she dies, you can live in your own little shell.
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I really don't understand what you mean.
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That is so hard.Why don't you try to solve your mum's problems, which will by extension solve yours. Try projecting an atmosphere of calm and confidence, and some of it will rub off. Try to persuade her to change her lifestyle so it doesn't hurt you. Also, talk to her about your feelings. She is your mother! That has got to help.
yes she is toxic and you sound healthy...it must drain you just to cope....set boundaries and limits and let her know what they are....if she doesn't respect them then you need to make a decision whether or not to let her be around you...she really does need to earn her way into your life......there is a saying....';treat toxic people with benign neglect';....mothers should also honor their daughters!
You should see a professional right away! Your mother sounds evasive and it sounds like she might be suffering from a few dissorders. Tell another trusted adult and get help right away.
Some parents make the mistake of trying to make children deal with adult problems.
Your health is far more important, I've felt exactly the same way, though maybe on a slightly lower level. You should explain to her how you feel and she should understand that you need your space.
Change your # dont tell her where you are until your ready. Call her from a payphone occassionaly to lt her know u ok
deal with the same. i coped by using marijuana, it also came with problems but seemed to improve the situation. her stresses were brought on from a mother who died of alcoholism, and in turn she offloaded it on me. i don't have anyone to talk to about it really as my father was avoidance as not to upset her, and during multiple counseling, group counseling you name it, she would always place the blame on me in short order, to get the focus off her and avoid having to make any alterations in her lifestyle.
the times that the counselor recommended her to do things such as give space she would never follow through completely reneging and invalidating the reason for seeking whatever it was to begin with.
I still don't know what to do. perhaps ask her to work through her problems(maybe professional help/zanax) and then tell her there is a possibility of becoming a part of her life again depending? i would isolate yourself from the problem before it affects your health to a greater extent. make arrangements with your father to have a relationship that excludes her until she regains sanity.
i no it sounds a bit drastic but have you thort about moving to a new area or the outskirts ov the 1 u live in without giving her your new address,change ya number or get a new number aswell as t 1 youv got so u can b contacted if u want.send them a letter saying ur ok need some space+will b in touch soon ect,then wen u feel ready give her your number but not address+take it from there.
i really hope things turn out for you!
good luck!!!
I would suggest seeing a counselor where you can discuss more in depth of your feelings for her and your Dad and she/he can help you more with your personal life. I saw a counselor and she helped me cope with my past. They are confidential and if you are willing, they will help you. Best wishes to you and God Bless you. Hugs to you.
I agree with both Amber and Lisa S... you really need to do both of the things already mentioned in their answers. A professional will give you the tools for how to handle your mother, and by changing your number it will give you the space you badly need. I really think your mother has problems , she really needs to get help also ,but in the meantime you must protect yourself from her. Remember she can't abuse you if she can't contact you. Your father can't and will not speak about the things in your life..past or present , because he knows what your mother is doing to you ,and he doesn't know how to handle it...don't look to him for support , you need to get strong ,and learn how to separate yourself from your mother...without losing contact altogether.
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